The Dangers of Sanity
by TeamAlphaQ
Summary: Some mistakes are forgivable, some are deadly. Izaya had a mistake he wanted to forget, and a job he needed to focus on. Unfortunately, a moment of weakness ends in the fall of a god. Now broken by the hands of the humans he so loves, the last person Izaya thought he could trust becomes his salvation. Shizaya, yaoi and rated M for what stories are usually rated M for.
1. Prologue: Peace

**A/N: So, for someone who has never set foot outside of the CP fandom, this is definitely a change. One that would not have been possible without the help of Blakeyel1ner and LucyValkyrie. Without them I would still be biting my nails, wondering if I was screwing up.**

 **Well, enjoy!**

~Prologue~

Izaya Orihara sat at his computer, skimming through emails at a speed that only one well versed in the art could manage. As glowing text scrolled past his crimson gaze, reflecting in his eyes, Izaya sighed and ran a hand through his raven hair. Turning his attention to the digital clock in the corner of his screen, the informant puffed out his cheeks in mild amusement. It read 3 am.

Finally stilling his fingers, Izaya let his eyes flutter closed for a moment before snapping them open and pushing his wheeled chair backwards while stretching his arms up to the ceiling. Slowly spinning around, the raven arched his back and got to his feet, casually taking the two steps to his wide, bay window that overlooked the city-scape of Shinjuku.

Even if the traffic wasn't as congested as it was during the day, this was greater Tokyo and the streets were still bustling with cars, their headlights flashing and blinding him with neon sparks as they sped by. From his window the city looked surreal, untouchable as he scanned over every detail. Tilting his head to the side, the raven smirked. All his humans with their all their lives, spread out beneath him, ready to be shown the true values of life that he would give them.

Because, of course, he loved every single one of them.

 _Well,_ Izaya looked out to the distant gleam of his own district's neighbor, Ikebukuro. _Almost every one of them is lovable._ Somewhere, he knew a certain monster was no doubt sound asleep, untroubled without him around to rile him up. Rocking on the balls of his feet, the informant easily called to mind images of his enemy, Shizuo Heiwajima –sunglasses shielding his eyes and smoke weaving up through bleached blond hair, trailing from the ever-present cigarette hung loosely in an irritated scowl. _Such a beast, aren't you Shizu-chan,_ he mused.

He'd fought with him earlier that day, one of their usual spats over Izaya simply _breathing_ in his presence. It had been a thrilling chase that had ended when he'd escaped into a window of a client's apartment, making his scheduled meeting with the man with two minutes to spare. There was something in the way he recalled the flying insults and sharp comebacks that could only be described as fond.

Shuttering his eyes closed once more, Izaya decided that if he was going to be his usual, cool, snarky self tomorrow, he needed to get at least an _hour_ of sleep. Otherwise, he knew, he'd be a manic, slightly crazy mess by morning. There was only so much his body could take.

Wrapping thin arms around a slim waist, Izaya allowed himself only a few more moments to stare out at his beloved humans, eyes drifting in the direction he knew the fortissimo of Ikebukuro lay once more. Satisfied, the raven finally looked away. Chuckling lightly, Izaya turned from the window and softly crooned into his empty apartment air.

"Sleep well Shizu-chan."

They could play again later, after he'd gotten some sleep.

 **A/N: So, I'd just like to make it clear that just because I'm writing this story, doesn't mean I'm going to stop 12 Ways to Die. That story is my baby, this is just a side project. One that's actually almost completely written. That way, I'll have _no_ excuse not to post it.**

 **Until next time, bye!**


	2. Chapter 1: Temporary Insanity

**A/N: All of your support fills me with joy. I was really surprised to see how many people seemed to like this story, you guys are seriously awesome. I hope this chapter meets everyone's standards.**

 **Thanks to my wonderful betas** **Blakeyel1ner** **and** **LucyValkyrie** **for putting up with me. They're amazing.**

 **Anyways, enjoy!**

"III-ZAAAA-YAAA!"

Laughing, Izaya leaned back, watching gleefully as a do-not-enter sign flew past his head, ruffling his hair in the process. Pointing his knife in the direction of the offending thrower, he smirked, knowing how much it annoyed the other.

"Haha, _Shizu-chan_ , you're such a brute." The sound of the sign stabbing into the building behind him entertained the raven immensely, reminding him of just how hot the fire he played with on an almost daily basis really was. "In case you're wondering, throwing things at girls won't do you any favors, unless we're talking about Vorona of course– she seems to think she's a monster as well." Skipping back, avoiding Shizuo's wild punches as he leapt toward him, Izaya cackled as he flicked his knife upwards, catching the ex-bartender's skin with its sharp, chrome edge, slicing it like butter as he dashed backwards.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Shizuo drew his arm back, seeming not to notice the beads of blood flying off it as it was retracted. Seizing the nearest trashcan, he flung it at the informant. Vaulting off the curb of the sidewalk, Izaya bounced atop the object hurtling through the air and used it as a ramp to leap over the furious blond's head, landing neatly behind him. Noticing some pedestrians frozen in terror, eyes fixed on him, the raven bowed theatrically as if this was a show for them to enjoy.

No one applauded.

"Oh Shizu-chan," He sang as he righted himself and darted away. "You missed!"

"I told you not to call me that you shitty flea!" Giving chase, Shizuo thundered after the raven, gritting his teeth and growling with every stride. Loving the heart-stopping thrill that ran through him every time his feet hit the pavement, Izaya danced around him, always staying just beyond the blond's reach. He _loved_ infuriating the brute.

"Is this some strange mating ritual beasts have?" Izaya mockingly questioned, ducking into a nearby alley. Laughter burst from him as a vending machine hit the ground at his feet, crumpling like a flimsy tin can under the pressure. "You're never going to attract anyone Shizu-chan; no one could ever love a monster like you!"

Turning his attention back to his current path, Izaya debated on which direction to go before another projectile sailed past his right ear, sending a gust of wind through his hair. That made up his mind for him. Streaking left, the informant teasingly asked, "When are you going to give up Shizu-chan? A beast with such limited intelligence could never bring down a _god_ like me."

Galloping after him, Shizuo roared, "When you stop infecting my city with the stench of flea you bastard!"

 _Such a terribly simple response, nothing about it holds any form of intelligence,_ he mused thoughtfully, cackling at Shizuo's idiocy. In his distracted state, he didn't notice the unexpected dead end they had run into until it was too late to do anything about it. What had, only just last week, been a straight run to the harbor was now a sheer brick wall. Startled by the sudden barrier, Izaya briefly searched for an alternate way out only to locate none.

 _Looks like I'm finally met with a challenge._ Izaya thought as he spun on the balls of his feet, finding himself facing Shizuo. _This should be fun._ Clearly, the monster had taken notice of Izaya's predicament as well. Instead of his usual wild run, the beast, ginning at him with victory in his eyes, slowly stalked down the alley, talking his sweet time. There was a loud clang. The monster had dropped the metal sign post he'd been holding like a spear to the dirty asphalt beneath him.

 _So you already think you've won do you?_ Never losing his bravado, Izaya drew a second knife and called, "Oh, so you _play_ with your food too? What a _beast_ you are Shizu-chan." Even as he spoke, he was mentally listing all the different escape routes, each one more unlikely to succeed than the last. In the back of his mind he knew he should be moving, trying to get away, but there was something about the way Shizuo looked at him, like he was devouring the raven with his eyes, which sent shivers down his spine.

"Looks like you've run out of plans louse." Shizuo growled, dangerous smirk and narrowed eyes exciting Izaya more than they should have. In fact, this entire encounter seemed to be playing tricks on the raven's mind, making him believe things that couldn't possibly be true. _Why does this feel so different?_

In the glow of the mid afternoon sun, Shizuo looked like the hunter he was– lean, toned and powerful, practically _oozing_ dominance as he purposefully moved towards Izaya. He was the wild animal and Izaya, his cornered prey. Despite the danger thrumming in the air, the raven still didn't run. He was too curious with the outcome to attempt ending the game there.

Tapping his lips with a knife and leaning against the wall at his back, feeling the brick catch at his coat, Izaya casually answered, "I wouldn't be so sure Shizu-chan. I am hardly _ever_ out of plans." Any lesser man would have been intimidated by Izaya's cocky, collected behavior. Shizuo didn't even flinch. He seemed too drunk off the chase to be fooled so easily. Then again, fooling him wasn't precisely on Izaya's agenda.

"I hope you're ready to be crushed to a pulp Izaya." Those words that were meant to scare the informant had quite the opposite effect, stimulating him further, shooting him full of excitement. Every step the beast took was a new layer of tension, each intoxicating beyond anything Izaya had ever experienced before.

 _This is why Shizu-chan is so fun to play with._ The raven thought, flicking a small pink tongue across his lips as though he could taste the fire in the air. _He acts so predictably unpredictable._ "A bit overconfident of you, ne Shizu-chan?" The words dipped and flowed from his mouth, settling over the scene like stage lights, illuminating each moment like a warning sign.

"Shut up, _flea_." Shizuo snarled, voice a low growl. With each step the exhilaration that raced through Izaya heightened, overloading his senses and clouding his brain, making him feel less like a human and more like fluid _emotion._ In that hypnotizing moment he realized what was at the forefront of his brain, obscuring the other feelings running through him.

 _Desire._

Desire for the monster. Thick, viscous, running through him like molten lava, it ate away at his sanity and destroyed all rational thought as he stared at Shizuo.

Perhaps that should have disgusted him– why feel such a human emotion for a beast? But in that moment, all Izaya's thoughts were circling around it, the thrill running through his body as Shizuo crept closer and closer. Something about those broad, tantalizing lines of motion that slunk towards him made Izaya bite his lip and lower his lids halfway with want.

" _Shizu-chan_ ," His voice was a heavy purr as the ex-bartender stalked towards him. Perhaps the air was too hot and heavy already for the blond to notice the shift in the raven's state of mind. Only a few feet from Izaya now, Shizuo grabbed both of Izaya's knives, not caring when they bit into his palm. Easily, he crushed them before tossing them away like so much useless scrap metal.

"Any last words, _flea?_ " A bone rattling crash echoed beside Izaya's head as Shizuo drove his fist into the wall behind him. The danger only electrified the situation more for the raven, the sensation crawling across his skin like insects.

As Izaya stared at Shizuo's mouth that was twisted up into a triumphant smile, an irrational thought crossed his mind. _What it would feel like to kiss Shizu-chan_. Eyes glazed over with the lust that seemed to be saturating every inch of him, Izaya blinked slowly, attempting to reason out what the outcome would be and failing to do so. There wasn't anything at that moment other than that decision that seemed to matter.

 _I've never been stopped from doing what I want before._ He decided at last, feeling Shizuo's hot breath on his face as the beast drew closer, almost nose to nose with him. _Right now, I want Shizu-chan._

"Die Izaya!" Just as Shizuo pulled back his other fist, Izaya rocked to the tips of his toes, leaned forward and pressed his own chapped lips to Shizuo's mouth in a soft kiss. The taste was even headier that he'd expected– sweet but not to the point of being sickening. There was a faint, bitter taste of tobacco that drew Izaya in further, even though it was barely noticeable.

The fortissimo of Ikebukuro, for his part, seemed too stunned to do anything but clench the fist still buried in the wall, crumbling more of the fresh bricks away in the process.

What surprised Izaya was when the monster's mouth moved against his own, kissing him back. He couldn't help the small moan that tumbled from him at the sensation, kicking up the tension another notch in the process. _Who knew kissing the brute would be this addictive._ As he began to lose himself in the action, falling deeper and deeper into this well of desire he hadn't even known existed within him, a single thought tore through his mind like a bolt of lightning.

 _I have to stop this._

Wanting to leave his mark before breaking contact, Izaya bit at Shizuo's bottom lip, teeth piercing the soft flesh and enjoying the taste of blood that met his tongue. Finally, the informant drew back, satisfied with the dumbfounded look on the blond's flushed face. Licking his own lips to catch any residual trace of Shizuo, Izaya skipped out from under the ex-bartenders arms, laughing as he did so. Hoping to contain the small hitch in his breath, he called, "Goodbye Shizu-chan, see you soon!"

It wasn't until he left the alley that he heard the familiar roar of the beast. The loud, earth shattering cry of, "IZAAAAYAAAA!" made the raven chortle with laughter. Even in his mirth he couldn't help but shiver at the slim curls of desire still flickering through him as he made his escape.

 _How very interesting,_ Izaya thought in amusement. _I wonder where this game will lead…_

 **A/N: So, the next chapter should be done shortly. I'm just waiting for it to be betaed.**

 **Until then, goodbye!**


	3. Chapter 2: Aiding and Abetting

**A/N: Wow, I can't believe how many people seem to be enjoying this story! It makes me so happy!**

 **For anyone wondering where all the angst is, never fear, we'll get to some lovely floor-crying eventually. This is just the fluffy beginning!**

 **As always, many thanks to my betas** **Blakeyel1ner** **and** **LucyValkyrie** **for actually helping me with my ridiculous story.**

 **As for this chapter, enjoy!**

The raven stood before the window, staring out at the late afternoon sky, brow furrowed in puzzlement. As he lightly touched his slightly chapped lips, Izaya wondered if a certain blond beast was just as confused as he was. Probably not, knowing Shizu-chan. As long as Izaya had known him, he had never seemed to follow normal human rules and logic.

Letting his hand fall, Izaya smirked. Whatever state the monster was in, he would no doubt be interesting to observe. _Perhaps_ he should drop by Simon's, knowing the blond went along that way home from work, or maybe he should-

"Izaya, I've got something for you to look at." The sharp, clipped voice of Namie shattered his thoughts like thin ice under the shoes of a monster. When Izaya turned in her direction, his usual mask like smirk coated his face as he stared at her.

"Go away Namie-san, I'm _working._ Can't you see how _busy_ I am right now?" The irritable pitch of his voice was soon accompanied by the glare that marred his happy expression. Her eyes matched his in irritation, shooting daggers at him. Tching, Izaya turned back to his contemplations, trying to ignore the neat hole his secretary was boring into the back of his head.

"What the hell has gotten into you? All you've been doing is staring at that window all day. I don't think I've seen you _move!_ " the brunette huffed.

Hmm, perhaps he was being mildly obvious but Izaya wasn't of the mind to be bothered. There was too much excitement rocketing around his mind to _care_ what Namie thought of him. Still, her constant nagging was beginning to become a mild annoyance.

Spinning on his heels and closing his eyes, Izaya rocked to the balls of his feet and back, locking his hands behind his head in the picture of relaxation before asking, "You're a bit more interested in what I'm doing than usual, ne?" Cracking open one lid to reveal a blood-red iris, he blithely suggested, "I could be plotting the downfall of _worlds_ right now, you never know."

"With you, it wouldn't surprise me." She muttered dryly before flicking through the contents of the folder she held and pulling out a specific piece of paper, waving it at him. "I need you to look over these figures. I've been going through them and if you ask me, someone's been embezzling from-"

He cut her off before she could finish. "I'm sure it's all quite fascinating Namie-san but this is what I have a secretary for. To do all the boring things I don't feel like accomplishing. I quite literally have bigger fish to fry." Shooing her away with his delicately wave, Izaya muttered, "Go on, do your job."

"Why do I even put up with you!" She shot back in frustration, shoving the paper roughly into the folder and turning back to her workspace. Grinning, Izaya bounced on his toes thoughtfully for a few seconds before settling at last on a course of action.

"Oh Namie-san!" He sang, leaning down to smirk at her teasingly. "I have some business to attend to. Be so good as to look into those reports by the way, I'm sure you'll find they hold more water than either of us could ever _imagine_." With a definite skip to his step, Izaya grabbed for his beloved coat and made his way to the door, already planning how best to manage the upcoming encounter.

"Well Shizu-chan," He muttered under his breath, mouth curving up maliciously, "Let's see what you're beastly mind has made of this."

* * *

Izaya Orihara had gotten exactly zero sleep the previous night. This might have been a frequent occurrence but unlike his usual rampant insomnia, there was a reason for _this_ flair of sleeplessness. That reason had bleach blond hair and wore a devastatingly well-fitted bartender's uniform. Licking his lips at the memory, Izaya grinned devilishly. Yes, that _had_ been quite the unusual turn of events yesterday. Oddly enough, the scene flashing through his mind _didn't_ disgust him, quite the contrary, he felt that same yearning welling up within him again, spurring him on in his search for the blond.

Of course, it was all just a game to the raven: the desire, the curiosity, _the kiss_. All these new feelings and intriguing actions were only meant to get a rise out of Shizuo, no different from any other game he played with the blond. Secure in this knowledge, he was safe, safe from all the potentially earth-shattering consequences of messing with the freight-train called desire. The fire could lap at him all it wanted, Izaya Orihara, a _god,_ was above being scorched by something so base, so _human_.

Even so, he liked it in an odd way, the human feelings that before he'd always just brushed off like dust on his shoulder as he moved forward in life. It made an odd sort of sense that Shizuo, with his beastly tendencies and absence of logic, could excite him. Honestly, it had been bound to happen at some point, judging by the frequent fights and heated blood between them. Such a tantalizing taste of the monster's passion was inebriating to be sure and the thought caused Izaya to ponder how far this game would go.

Izaya allowed himself to remain enchanted by his thoughts, all the while continuing to seek out the brute. Shizuo had never been a difficult person to find, always following a very predictable pattern of behavior no matter the circumstances. All Izaya had to do was visit the sites the monster frequented and he would no doubt find the beast, or perhaps the beast would find Izaya, acknowledging him via flying trashcan or vending machine. If he was lucky, he might even get a street sign.

All morning and a good portion of the afternoon, he had debated how best to approach the monster and which face he wished to show him. After all, Shizuo was an idiot that could ruin even the simplest of plans. If not for Namie's constant pestering, there was little doubt in Izaya's mind that he would have stood there all day, still unable to decide on what to do. That was the trouble with monsters, they never made things easy. Shizuo was just as likely to overreact to that small _kiss_ as he was to brush it off without a second thought.

It all depended on how the beast was feeling.

Scuffing his feet lightly on the guardrail he balanced on, Izaya stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked at his feet contemplatively. His eyes widened ever so slightly as he realized that he'd wanted to do something like that to Shizuo for a while, just to see his reaction, but the opportunity had just never presented itself. Funny, it had happened in such an unplanned way…

Arching his back and staring up at the sky slowly fading from the bright blue of afternoon to the orangey glows of the start of sunset, the raven made a sound like a cat as he stretched his arms high above his head and smirked. What a perfect day for a high speed chase fraught with knives, punches and now this new level of tension that Izaya himself had introduced.

Thin whistling to his right alerted Izaya that something was off, giving him just enough time to duck left as a street sign flew past his ear, impaling itself in the back window of a car. Spinning around with a grin on his face, the raven found the very person he'd been looking for, standing behind him, a look of fury imprinted on every inch of his perfect features.

"IZAYA!" Shizuo bellowed, sunglasses reflecting the light from the dying sun, giving the raven a flawless image of his own pleasantly smiling features. The allegory was not lost on the informant.

Quickly drawing a knife, one of many he kept with him at all times, Izaya took a few step back on the guardrail before asking, "To what pleasure do I owe this personalized greeting from the fortissimo of Ikebukuro himself?" It was a question with a blatantly obvious answer but it accomplished its set purpose, further riling the blond up.

"You shitty flea!" The monster roared, picking up another projectile and throwing it at Izaya. "I'm gonna fucking _kill_ you for that stunt you pulled yesterday! I'm gonna kill you till you're dead. I'm gonna kill you till you're deader than dead!" Recklessly, the beast lunged at him, throwing punches just as quickly as Izaya danced away. There was something behind the brute's reckless fury, something hotter, that the raven noted and dissected like a lab specimen. If he was any judge of the fire in Shizuo's eyes, the blond hadn't remained unaffected by the kiss either.

"Shizu-chan, such violence!" Izaya gasped in mock horror, leaping off the guardrail and onto the top of a trashcan before the blond knocked it out from under him, driving him to the pavement. Pressing a hand to his heart, Izaya gave an exaggeratedly morose face as he taunted, "I'm _hurt._ "

"Izaya, I'm gonna make you regret ever coming into my city!" Shizuo ripped out a street sign and leveled it at the raven like a javelin. _Ooh, time to run!_ Turning, Izaya dashed down the street, laughing as the wind whipped his face and swirled around him like waves. From behind him the thundering of Shizuo's footsteps caused him to shudder with anticipation, sending his brain into overdrive as he tore down the street, dodging frightened civilians as he went.

Excitement coursed through him as he ran, spinning before him a million different outcomes for the situation. Turning into the main entrance of a parking garage, Izaya dodged another sign as he darted among swerving vehicles, laughing at the startled faces of their drivers. Better that even he could have imagined they all seemed to block the beast's path, some actually crashing into him. _Yes, this ought to be interesting,_ he decided as he turned into the stairwell, taking the steps two at a time while the sounds of Shizuo's enraged yells faded behind him.

As he reached the top of the concrete structure Izaya allowed himself a moment to stare out at the setting sun and _breathe_. The air above the city was tranquil, peaceful even to him. Even as the informant who knew to what extent the people below him were truly at war, he could almost relax completely.

Of course, complete relaxation was impossible. Not when he knew who was, at this very moment, pounding up the stairs to _greet_ him. There was little doubt in Izaya's mind that the monster would throw him off the building if given the chance but the raven didn't intend to be disposed of quite so easily. Lazily he turned his head, judging the distance between the different building surrounding the one he currently stood on, quickly rating them based on their usefulness as a means of escape and their practicality in terms of his actually abilities. Walking forward, Izaya decided that the apartment complex to his right would suit his needs best if he had to get away.

Sighing, Izaya leaned against a light post, stretching his lean body to its fullest extent before settling down to wait. Surly one as predictable as the fortissimo of Ikebukuro wouldn't just walk away from his archenemy, would he. The very idea seemed preposterous but, as the seconds ticked by, Izaya wondered if the beast had done just that.

A small frown turned down the corners of his mouth as Izaya considered this possibility. If Shizuo had left then that _would_ add another layer to this already fascinating game, though unfortunately, it wouldn't be one that suited him. As he stared out at the swiftly setting sun, Izaya narrowed his eyes against the glare and breathed in deeply, calming himself. Perhaps this wasn't the most exciting reaction to what had happened yesterday but maybe it was all he was going to get. Initially infuriated by the kiss, the beast had, much like an animal, soon forgotten once the object of his wrath was removed from his sight.

The thought brought a smirk to the raven's lips as he closed his eyes lightly against the sun. _Stupid Shizu-chan, unable to think past one second to the next. I almost pity you…_

"Flea." The growl made him smile slightly in triumph but Izaya didn't trouble himself to open his eyes. Even with them closed he knew precisely where the monster was, standing across from him at the mouth of the stairwell, stance no doubt menacing.

"Isn't the sunset mesmerizing Shizu-chan?" The raven asked, contentment in ever line of his body, not even flinching when Shizuo took a threatening step forward. Stretching his hands before him in a wide sweep he announced, "It's like your rage, it burns hot and bright and then it's over, yet it always comes back." Finally cracking an eyelid open he purred, "You're such a _beast_ Shizu-chan."

The fortissimo of Ikebukuro stood in front of him, almost completely obscuring the sunlight with his well-built, tempting form. Again Izaya saw that captivating flicker of something deep in the monster's eyes. Somewhere in the tangled mess down below, Shizuo had lost his sunglasses which gave Izaya a clear look at the golden amber glow of the monster's eyes, almost matching the setting sun in hue.

"You know, I told you not to underestimate me." Izaya mused after deciding that the beast wasn't going to answer. "I warned you that I was never out of plans." Watching Shizuo, the raven noted how slowly he moved towards the informant, eyes spiraling with hatred, anger and something Izaya would have likened to hunger. Somehow, the blond's continued silence began to irritate him, getting under his skin in a way that the brute's wrath never had.

Tching softly, Izaya reached into his pockets and wrapped his slim fingers around the cold, unforgiving handles of two switchblades, determined to finish this dead end game. "Aren't you going to yell at me Shizu-chan?" He asked testily, eyes narrowing as he stared at the blond. "This silence is boring, ne?" The unmistakable twitch in the beast's eye reassured Izaya of Shizuo's anger but it still didn't help that the air on the roof was far too quiet for the informant's tastes.

Irritable, the raven rolled his shoulders loosely and remarked, "Well Shizu-chan, I'm sure you have many different ways you want to throw me off this building but I do not have the time in my day to waste standing about waiting for you to do something." Biting his lip on a grin, Izaya raised an eyebrow and commented, "There's no rest for the _wicked_ so I must leave."

"No." _Ah, so now he speaks._

Sticking out his bottom lip in a pout, Izaya asked, "Oh? Why shouldn't I?" Frown flipping to a dangerous smirk, the raven slowly withdrew a knife, lazily pointing it in the blond's direction. So close was the brute that the tip of it almost brushed his chest. "It's not as if being around you is any favour to me." For all his chatter, Izaya was curious as to what was going on behind the monster's fiery eyes. Chances were it involved crushing him to death or something of the like, keeping the beast's mental capacity in mind but… He could be wrong. "Why don't we just cut to the chase, ne _Shizu-chan_?" He hissed, eyes full of malevolence, grin still holding on his face.

Much to his surprise, Shizuo matched his expression, irate snarl morphing into a smile that could only be described as devilish. "Yeah," He leered. "Let's."

In one fluid and wholly unexpected movement, the beast surged forward, grabbing the wrist of the hand that held the knife and twisting it above Izaya's head, easily pinning it to the metal pole the informant was leaning on. In a second the raven had another knife out but this hand too was pinned above him, useless in the monster's steely grip. Briefly he struggled, only to find himself completely immobilized by the beast's hulking form.

"What do you think you're _doing_ Shizu-chan?" Izaya spat, unable to obscure the shiver that ran through him at the close proximity to the monster. Despite his ire, the raven's face flushed a deep shade of red as the hot breath on his neck sent shuddering curls of want down his spine where they pooled in his abdomen.

"I'm paying you back for that fucking stunt you pulled yesterday." Without warning, Shizuo crashed his mouth against the snarling informant's in a hungry, demanding kiss that had the raven gasping for air. Unlike the one in the alley the day before, there was nothing gentle about this, all bruising passion and snapping teeth. Fleetingly trying to wrench his wrists free in some semblance of resistance, Izaya found himself once again overcome by the need coursing through him, destroying any rational thought and making it all too easy for Shizuo to completely undo him.

As his lips parted in a breathy moan, Izaya's mouth was invaded by the beast's tongue which quickly laid claim to him, sucking on his own tongue roughly like it was a spoil of war. What should have revolted the raven seemed to be only exciting him more, robbing him of his breath and catching in his throat. With every second that passed, the want that had been bubbling in his blood since yesterday grew, stimulating him more than he'd have liked to admit.

Suddenly the pressure on his mouth vanished as Shizuo drew back somewhat, looking all too satisfied with himself at the raven's hot face and mildly swollen lips. Infuriated with the abrupt absence, Izaya hissed out a, "Stupid Shizu-chan," before colliding his mouth with the blond's once more, savoring the intoxicating blend of cigarettes and soda that seemed to be all the beast ever tasted of. Chuckling darkly at the informant's humiliatingly human actions, Shizuo trailed hard kisses along the raven's jaw, moving down his exposed neck where Izaya choked on a moan as the brute actually bit the creamy flesh, sucking at the bruise it left like he was marking his territory.

As the informant's sinful moans twisted through the darkening air, Izaya knew he was playing with fire. Every flick of the brute's tongue seemed to shoot straight to his hardening arousal, making the air around him progressively thicker and much too heavy to breath. Needy shivers wracked his frame, each quickly devoured by the monster as a hot mouth caught Izaya's ear and sucked on it, provoking yet more moans. It wasn't fair that the beast could turn him on this easily, not when he was supposed to be known as the cool, collected, high class informant of greater Tokyo. The torturous way Shizuo lapped at the fresh bite marks at the crook of his neck shouldn't be permitted to drive him this crazy, not when this was all just supposed to be a game.

Frustrated with the blond's constant teasing and desperate for some sort of friction on his painful erection, the raven lustfully bucked his hips forward, rolling them against an equally hard bulge in the beast's pants. At once the hands crushing his wrists vanished as the fortissimo of Ikebukuro stumbled back, shock in every line of his face, a look that Izaya couldn't help mirroring as he realized with horror what they'd been doing. From where he stood, trying to steady himself against the light poll, the raven could see the redness in Shizuo's face and the prominent erection straining at his black slacks.

Sudden fury welling up, Izaya dropped his arms to his sides and pulled his coat around him, stifling a groan as his too tight jeans constricted around his throbbing member. "You dumb _protozoan_." The raven managed to snap, still trying to catch his breath properly. "What the _hell_ were you thinking?" When the blond said nothing, the informant forced himself to move, pulling his fur trimmed hood up around his face to hide the raging blush upon it.

"Could ask the same thing of you, you little shit." Shizuo muttered, averting his gaze and pushing a hand into his pockets to fish out a cigarette and lighter. Perhaps it was Izaya's own shaking but for a moment he could have sworn the beast's hands trembled as he attempted to light the cancer stick that protruded from his mouth. With a sharp breath, the raven opened his mouth, bent on saying something, _anything,_ to destroy the relative peace the blond seemed to be enjoying.

He came up empty.

Glancing back at the informant, Shizuo blew out a small, twisting puff of smoke and shrugged. "Consider us even now." All too casually for Izaya's tastes, the fortissimo of Ikebukuro turned and left, footsteps echoing up from the stairwell until they were nothing but Izaya's imagination.

 _Even?_ The raven glowered after the blond, unable to quite believe his words. Then, through his annoyance, a laugh bubbled up and shot from his mouth, painting over his irritation with the silver lining his precious humans were so quick to disregard. _I suppose we'll have to finish this game another time Shizu-chan, after all, only I will decide when we're_ even _._

Biting back a grunt at his still present _problem_ , Izaya started his staggering trip back to Shinjuku, giggling under his breath all the way.

 **A/N: Oh I just** ** _love_** **this story. Next chapter will have some wonderful wonderfulness from Shizuo's perspective because why not?**

 **If it isn't too much trouble, please leave a comment because hearing what you guys think fills me with such happy bubbles.**

 **Until next time, ta ta!**


	4. Chapter 3: Downward Spiral

**A/N: So, um… I would put a warning here for some dirty stuff in the following chapter but let's be honest, if you're here, you already know what's coming. I just hope I do Shizuo justice.**

 **Thanks to my beautiful beta readers,** **Blakeyel1ner** **and** **LucyValkyrie** **who are** ** _still_** **putting up with me. If anyone gets the chance, check them out, they've both got some awesome Shizaya stories to read.**

 **Without further ado, enjoy!**

"Fuck!" With enough force to crush the squares of tile under his hand, Shizuo slammed his fist into the shower wall before leaning against it, shivering as the ice cold water continued beating its pattern down his back. He'd already been in there too long, trying to cool his weeping erection without success.

 _What a pain_ , he thought irritably as he blew out frustrated breaths through his nose. _Of all the things that could have happened…_

 _Why this?_

Damn that shitty flea, this was all his fault! It should be a crime for him to look so fucking _hot_ just standing there, practically glowing in the sun as it vanished over the Tokyo high rises. Just what the hell had he been thinking, kissing him? God, he'd just wanted to give the flea a taste of his own medicine, not _this_! He should've thrown him off the roof when he'd had the chance and saved himself the trouble.

Technically, he'd tried to stop the freight train he'd set in motion, satisfied with one kiss and that was it, but Izaya had fucking pulled him back in and he'd been all too eager to take what was offered. Cracking an eye to look down at his standing cock, Shizuo couldn't feasibly deny anymore that he had liked it – he'd liked a whole lot _more_ than he'd thought.

The flea had literally come undone at his touch, moaning like a professional whore. Now, the blond couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to hear Izaya moan _his_ name like a prayer. At the thought, his dick gave a painful throb and he cursed again loudly. Who knew a pest like the informant could be so fucking sexy with his creamy skin and lecherous body?

As his fingers lightly brushed his arousal, Shizuo gritted his teeth against the white flashes of pleasure that momentarily blinded him with their intensity. Fuck, why did it have to be the _flea_ of all people that seemed able to turn him on so completely?

Even as he cursed his entire situation, the blond found himself wondering what it would be like to touch Izaya, not just pinning his thin wrists above his head but running his hands over that sinfully sensitive form. As his hand closed around his needy erection, Shizuo felt disgusted that he was doing _this_ while thoughts of the flea ran through his head.

A sudden feeling of cruel satisfaction shot through him as he realized that Izaya was no doubt in a similar situation, after all, he'd seen the bulge in the raven's jeans and he'd sure as hell _felt_ it. Somewhere in his apartment in Shinjuku, Izaya probably was being forced to deal with his problems in a similar way. Suddenly, his vengeful imaginings backfired as images of the flea, hand pumping his own hard member, moans bubbling through his tempting lips as he did so flashed across Shizuo's traitorous mind.

With his erection practically spitting pre-cum already just on those thoughts alone, Shizuo began to move his hand, slowly pumping his arousal as he tried to block out thoughts of the shitty flea. That proved to be impossible as every thrust brought back the feel of those perfect lips on his, the salty, slightly bitter taste he'd caught when kissing Izaya's neck, that lithe, exquisite body writhing under his…

Fuck! He was supposed to hate the shitty flea, not masturbate to him. Unfortunately, he could all too easily picture Izaya under him, back arching as he moaned his name, begging for release. Feeling his own end approaching, Shizuo increased the pace of his hand, moans curling up into the frigid water. As the image of the louse; lips bruised, eyes fixed on him and glazed over with lust appeared, he growled loudly and came, briefly splattering himself and the shower with white before the water washed it away.

Breathing heavily, Shizuo stood there, trying to dispel the immediate disgust and shame that threatened to take over him. _God, what's wrong with me?_

Feeling rage and anger battle the lingering desire and suffocating _dirtiness_ that seemed to cover him, the ex-bartender turned the shower off, halting the freezing spray and finally allowing warmth to touch his body once more.

As Shizuo pulled himself out of his shower and grabbed for a towel, he tried to sort through what the fuck had happened in the last four hours. One moment he'd been talking with Tom, double checking that they'd gotten through the list of people for that day while considering finding Celty to talk to, and the next he was here, shivering and wet because somehow the flea had turned him on. Fuck, that chain of events really sucked.

The worst part was Shizuo needed _more_ ; his own hand just wasn't enough. He still _wanted_ Izaya and _that_ thought was scary. Absently, he dried his hair as he attempted to banish the supposedly unpleasant thought. The only thing he could think of to console himself was that the chances of anything actually happening between the flea and himself were slim. After all, they were _enemies,_ right? Shit, he needed a smoke.

Stopping just short of tearing out his bleach blond hair by the roots, Shizuo took a moment to flex his fingers into the damp threads of his towel before slowly lowering it and wrapping it around his torso. There were too many thoughts invading his mind for him to register the trail of water he left in his wake as he moved into his bedroom. Of all the intrusive voices in his head, the one calling for him to fucking sit down and smoke a damn cigarette before he killed someone was the loudest.

Haphazardly throwing on a pair of sweatpants, the blond ex-bartender sat heavily on his bed before grabbing for a cigarette and his lighter from his nightstand. The action only served to remind him of the incident on the roof. That same stroke of horror that had run through him at the time still lingered somewhere in his mind. He could still recall exactly how fucking badly his hands had been shaking after backing off of Izaya. Unfortunately, he could also recall many other things about the scene and those were the thoughts that provoked a low groan of regret to pass his lips.

The real trouble for Shizuo was, it had felt _good_. It would've been one thing if the kiss had been unpleasant or just static but it hadn't been. He'd fallen into the damn thing and kept falling until Izaya had jolted him back into reality with a painful thump.

Honestly, at this point, he was just scared of what else Izaya might do but of what _he_ might do, given the chance. Shizuo would have liked to think he had at least some modicum of control but when it came to the raven, all control he might've had was simply tossed out the window. Generally that didn't bother him but if he was dealing with shit like this, he wanted to know what the hell he was doing! Otherwise, something was going to snap.

 _I can't handle that shitty flea tomorrow._ Shizuo thought. _I just need a day off…_

Groaning he took a drag of his cigarette, thankful for the buzz of nicotine soothing his systems. The thought of missing work wasn't a pleasant one, after all, what else was he supposed to do with his time –but his sanity at stake here, something he valued very highly. Under the circumstances, the blond wasn't willing to risk another encounter and taking a day of rest would be a much needed change. He just hoped Tom wouldn't mind.

Looking over at his phone, Shizuo glared at it as if it would go away. The thought of letting something like _this_ cause him to skip work was fucking irritating but he really didn't see another option. Sighing, the former bartender rolled his well-defined shoulders before reaching for the device grudgingly. Tom was reasonable and it wasn't like he did this often. Really, the only thing stopping him was the knowledge that with this phone call, he might as well be giving into the stupid flea and letting him win.

 _Fuck it, it's not like he's gonna know,_ Shizuo reasoned. Flipping open his phone and punching in his boss's number he breathed deeply as he waited for the other man to pick up. On the third ring he did, chattering background noise filling the blond's ear in the process.

"Hey, something up?" his boss asked casually, voice even and easy going as always. From what he could gather, Tom seemed to be at a bar, he knew the sounds of glasses on wood too well to think otherwise.

Running a hand through his hair as if that would relieve the confusion in his head, Shizuo took another drag from his cigarette before carefully asking, "Tom-san, do we have anything important tomorrow?" He didn't want to come right out and say that he wanted tomorrow off. After all, even he knew how to be tactful but at the same time… If he didn't get some time off, he might very well go crazy.

Tom took a moment to laugh at something before answering, "Eh, you know the drill, same old same old. Got a few people on the list to collect from but none of them should be much trouble." In the background of the call, the ex-bartender heard someone ask who Tom was talking to but his boss just ignored them. "Why?"

 _Well, here goes nothing._ "I was wondering if I could take tomorrow off." Shizuo stated bluntly.

"Well that's new. I can count on one hand the number of days off you've asked for." Tom commented, curiosity in his tone. "Something up Shizuo?"

From the phone, the blond heard whoever Tom was with ask, "Wait, like, Shizuo Heiwajima? What on earth are you doing talking to him?" Grinding his teeth at the all too familiar response to his existence, Shizuo refrained from yelling at the speaker through his phone. Honestly, it was nothing new, he shouldn't get this annoyed. _Heh, better than the flea's presence I guess._

"Eh!? Isn't he the one who throws street signs everywhere? He's scary, why _are_ you talking to him?" A female voice chimed in, only adding to Shizuo's annoyance. Everywhere he went, people were always acting terrified of him and it fucking pissed him off! The only ones who should be afraid of the blond were those who did something to annoy him, like Izaya. Well, maybe _not_ Izaya. Shizuo didn't have a clue where they stood now.

"Shut up you two." Tom drawled to his companions. "So is there something wrong?" he asked again, the note of worry back in his voice.

Relaxing slightly, Shizuo quickly assured him, "No, nothing's wrong Tom-san, I'm just tired is all." And that much was true, he was exhausted. Getting some extra sleep would no doubt do him a world of good. "I can work extra hours later this week if you need me to." He hurried to add when the man on the other end of the line said nothing.

"Don't worry about it Shizuo." Tom reassured him immediately. "Get some rest. I'll see you day after tomorrow, yes?"

"Absolutely." Relieved, Shizuo grinned even though Tom couldn't see him. "See you then."

"Good night Shizuo." The phone clicked as the connection was cut. Tossing his phone back onto the table, Shizuo snubbed out his cigarette before slowly leaning forward and turning off the light beside his bed. As darkness swamped him, the ex-bartender exhaled, letting his exhaustion roll over him. _And to think everything was normal two days ago._ Okay, normal might be a stretch but at least he hadn't had to worry about Izaya doing anything weird to him.

 _Except you liked it…_

His brain could be extremely unhelpful at times. Growling softly at the thought, the blond's eye drooped closed as he hunched over, feeling each muscle in his body slowly loosen. Maybe he had enjoyed the pleasure that had coursed through him on that roof, but after taking a day off everything would probably go back to normal and he wouldn't have to worry about this anymore. After all, the entire thing was too much of a mess for him to even dream of sorting everything out enough to understand every detail thoroughly. Better to just shove the entire damn thing away before it got out of control.

 _It already has gotten out of hand. If I'm being forced to take a day off, I'm already in too deep._

The image of Izaya standing across from him, eyes furious, features betraying his discomfort and coat pulled tight around him to hide the evidence of what had happened, flickered across his mind. _What the hell were you thinking?_ He'd spat. Funny thing was, the only thought running through Shizuo's mind at the time had been that the self-proclaimed god really was only human.

With a sigh, Shizuo straightened out to lie on his back, a bemused smile crossing his face as he did so. If he was up this late because he was unable to rid his mind of the flea's taint, the informant probably wouldn't get a wink of sleep tonight either. _Karma's a bitch,_ he thought vindictively as sleep started to descend over him like a blanket.

While Shizuo did at last succumb to the tiredness plaguing him, it was really just too bad he couldn't stop dreaming about Izaya.

 _The shitty flea…_

 **A/N: I think it goes without saying that Izaya isn't kind enough to leave our lovable idiot alone. He's evil. On the bright side,** ** _smut_** **so I'm sure we can forgive him.**

 **Until I finish writing the next scene, bye!**


	5. Chapter 4: Fatal Miscaculation

**A/N: Oh my god, I swear, some people are psychic. I would say it's not fair but I'm freaking impressed so… Yep. The body of this chapter was the first thing I wrote so the fact that someone was able to guess where it was going is just mind blowing.**

 **As always, my lovely Betas,** **Blakeyel1ner** **and** **LucyValkyrie** **both deserve as much credit as I because without them, this story wouldn't exist!**

 **Enjoy!**

As bleary eyes opened to a dim, chill living room, Izaya wondered faintly why he was on his couch and not in his bedroom. The clock on the wall informed him that, however he'd ended up in his current state, it was still five in the morning. Lifting a heavy hand to his forehead, the raven took careful count of his surroundings, piecing together the events of yesterday easily but not nearly fast enough for his liking. The gaping holes in his memory were confusing to say the least.

He remembered lying down at the ungodly hour of three in the morning but he couldn't remember falling asleep. He remembered changing out of the clothes he'd worn for the larger part of the day but was struggling to remember why. Slowly sitting up, the informant caught a whiff of cleaning supplies and as he did the muttered words, _there are some messes even_ I _wouldn't let Namie-san clean up_ , drifted through his mind. Nose abruptly wrinkling in distaste, Izaya sighed shortly as _that_ piece of yesterday came back to him. Things had certainly gotten out of hand on the roof last evening…

Letting out a chuckle that held no mirth, the raven recalled the short, heated breaths he'd drawn behind his desk as he gave himself over to thoughts of the beast that seemed to constantly occupy his mind. When ignoring his little _problem_ for hours had failed to solve it, he'd been forced to take care of it himself in a very human manner.

 _Ugh, Shizu-chan, you're more trouble than you're worth,_ he thought.

Vaguely, he recalled the hurried shower he'd taken the other day after the incident and how tired he'd been. So tired in fact that after cleaning up his… mess, he'd elected to simply collapse atop the couch rather than lug himself up to his room. Now, waking up with an odd crick in his neck and his hair a muss, Izaya was beginning to regret that decision.

With a cat-like yawn, Izaya pushed to his feet, blinking tired eyes slowly as he walked to his desk and stared at the thick folder full of work he'd neglected to do last night. The action had been quite irresponsible of him and if he'd been one for guilt, he would have been hopelessly mired in the feeling. He'd been far too distracted and altogether exhausted to put any effort into doing something so hopelessly mundane, no matter how much he usually enjoyed its constant, almost comforting presence.

 _I feel as though I'm forgetting something._ The raven thought as he picked up the papers and flipped through them, smirking as pictures of various past targets slipped past his finger. _That's right; I called Namie-san to come in early to help me with this._

Having a secretary was a wonderful thing. It allowed him time to dwell on the much more interesting things he had to occupy his time.

Closing the folder once more, Izaya took the last few steps to the bay window he recently had started spending so much of his days standing before. His city hadn't changed a bit, but somewhere on that rooftop, the raven feared _he_ had. Why else would there still be this burning hot flame within him that urged him onward, begging him to find Shizuo and finish what they'd started?

That thought took him by surprise. It made perfect sense that he was unsatisfied, after all, being left like _that_ by the monster, with only his own cold fingers to finish the job he'd never wanted to have in the first place, was quite the anticlimactic ending but starting a new game… Well, it might not turn out quite how he _hoped_ it would.

Combing out the tangles in his hair left from his, quite necessary, shower last night with his fingers, Izaya smiled slightly. There was something so _addicting_ about not being able to _absolutely_ predict what was going to happen next.

Usually the loss of total control would have scared him, considering his entire world revolved around knowing everything about a given situation and being aware of all possible outcomes, but for once, he wasn't afraid. There were too many other emotions battling for dominance to let a little uncertainty get in his way.

 _And one of them must win, hmm, which one shall I listen too?_

He could easily listen to his logical side and leave the game where it was, vaguely finished and at least mildly even but that obviously would never suffice. Just as effortlessly he could chose to obey his curious nature and keep effortlessly toying with the blond, sticking to fleeting moments of stimulating and bruising passion, nothing more, but that too didn't catch his attention and hold it.

For him to be truly satisfied, Izaya realized with a lazy smirk, he'd have to listen to his _desire_ , seek out the beast and finish this game, permanently.

While the fast forming idea sent small bolts of doubt through the informant, he quickly grew accustomed to its insistent pressure. Yes he could forget this far too human game or he could attempt to find satisfaction in small tastes of this intoxicatingly forbidden fruit but he wanted neither. Izaya Orihara wanted resolution and there was only one real way to get it.

He would have to find Shizuo and take what he wanted.

A little nervous at the prospect, Izaya wet his lips and slowly made his way to his bedroom, wondering as he did so if Namie would get too upset if he vanished on her that morning.

Probably would be, knowing her.

But really, what else was he expected to do? When he could still taste Shizuo on his tongue and see the bruises on his wrists? There wasn't much of an option for him, not when he'd already decided what to do. Putting off the inevitable would be stupid and Izaya was anything but.

 _Yet still_ , He mused, distractedly switching out the overlarge white pullover he'd worn last night for a short sleeved black tee and his usual coat. _I don't_ exactly _have any experience in this field…_ No matter, he knew enough about what he wanted and how to get it to suffice.

Finally deeming himself fit to go out, Izaya waltzed from his bedroom and leapt upon the banister of the staircase leading down into the foyer, taking this Namie-less opportunity to indulge in some of the childish behavior she frowned upon. As he veritably flew down it -unworried when his feet slid, sending him down faster than expected- the raven let out a gleeful sound and landed at the bottom, pleased. No, Namie would not be happy when she found out he'd left but he could deal with that later.

After all, this was much more important.

Sauntering out of his apartment with nary a care in the world, the raven took the stairs down to the ground floor two at a time, determined to reach the blond before he went off to work –at eight, according to his sources. Not a problem really when Ikebukuro was but a hop, skip and a jump away from his own district.

The early morning air swirled through his hair, dancing around him and egging him on, drawing him forward towards his goal. As he walked, Izaya pondered over why it had taken this long for his volatile relationship with the blond to come to this boiling point? Because, if he was honest with himself, he'd been waiting for this to happen for years. Maybe he'd never consciously put two and two together but what _else_ could the excitement in his blood and fire in his heart every time Shizuo gave chase be?

Lust, clearly, for no other emotion he'd experienced matched it.

Humming softly, Izaya flitted down often tread streets, excitement growing with every step. As he walked the sun began to rise, bathing the relatively quiet town in warm, golden light. It was a good morning, one full of promise. He'd have his fun with Shizuo and be back in time for mid-morning coffee with Namie. She'd pitch her inconsequential fit about his absence and he'd blow her off with his usual pitiful excuses that he pulled off with ease, even if she didn't buy them for a moment. He'd go back to work and this problem would be forgotten.

His plan was foolproof, his knowledge, almost complete, how could this possibly go wro-

Izaya stopped himself at once. Gloating was something to be done after all aspects of the blueprint had been executed, not during. As he drew close to Shizuo's tiny apartment however, Izaya couldn't help but let a thin smirk dance across his features. _Perfect, ne Shizu-chan?_

Darting closer, the informant examined the building from all sides, loath to just _walk_ through the front door like someone who had nothing to hide. Somewhere, there would be a better way into Shizuo's apartment that didn't involve making himself known. Finding no convenient back door, Izaya finally settled on looking for a window to hoist himself through.

While he did this, a sudden bolt of worry struck him. Sure he was positive he knew what he was doing but what if he was wrong? What if what he was about to do _wasn't_ the right decision after all? _I can't be wrong._ He pushed aside his second thoughts easily, smiling to himself. _Everything has been laid out so wonderfully how could I be?_ After all, the raven knew what _he_ wanted and he was sure he could tell what the _beast_ wanted as well. They were both grown adults capable of making their own decisions and there was little chance of Shizuo refusing him. How could such an infallible plan fall through?

Variables, there were always so many variables to be taken into consideration. Generally, that would be the place his plotting grew weakest but here, he controlled the conditions and the only thing that could upset this was Shizuo himself, a beast with no more mental capacity than a protozoan. As he at last found the very thing he was looking for, Izaya smirked.

 _Confirmation I am dealing with an idiot, albeit, a very good looking one._ There, before him, was the very way in he'd been looking for.

 _Silly Shizu-chan, leaving the window open._ It only took Izaya a moment to push the screen aside. _Maybe he knows no one would dare mess with him so he doesn't bother locking it,_ Izaya thought with a laugh, _and he says_ I'm _full of myself._ With the agility of a cat, he jumped up onto the window ledge and slipped through into the small, pathetic room Shizuo probably called his kitchen. The moment his knees met the counter, Izaya grinned widely. Instantly at ease, he dangled his legs over the edge of the countertop and made himself comfortable.

Perfect, now all he had to do was wait. Eventually, the monster would come back –he always did, a creature of habit if there ever was one –and in the meantime…

Izaya laced his fingers together before stretching his arms above his head and yawning, entirely pleased with himself. If Shizuo was going to mess with his mind then he would return the favor more than gladly. _Stupid protozoan,_ Izaya thought snidely. _Playing with someone so much smarter than himself as though brute force is the answer._ Perhaps someday the beast would learn other methods of persuasion, but until then, Izaya had little doubt in his mind that there would be more thrown vending machines in his future.

Unbidden, the thoughts of yesterday entered Izaya's mind. When he closed his eyes he could almost feel Shizuo's hands, forcefully pinning his thin wrists above his head, bruising them in the process. He could hear the hitch and soft moan in his own voice as his body betrayed him and taste the intoxicating sweetness of Shizuo's mouth as it was pressed against his own chapped lips.

Brushing thin delicate fingers against his lips, Izaya couldn't help but smirk. Of course only a _monster_ would be able to excite him so much and Shizuo was _definitely_ that. Perhaps that was all this was, just misplaced excitement that had gotten a bit out of hand. _More than a bit,_ Izaya amended; grimacing slightly at the memory of the state he'd been in _after_ their little encounter.

Bored with his current train of thought, Izaya let his head fall back as he swung his legs absently, gently thumping the cupboards behind them. Flippantly, he wondered if Shizuo would possibly have the decency to show up, wherever he was. The sun streaming through the window behind him plus the overwhelming scent of _monster_ wafting through the house laid a heavy blanket over the room, making Izaya drowsy. A moment longer like this and he might just fall asleep…

"What the fuck are you doing in my house, flea?"

 **A/N: I know, I know, it's a cliffhanger but the chapter was starting to get really long so I decided to cut it short.**

 **Also, to the guest that literally said 'I wonder if Izaya will come to Shizuo's apartment' (and anyone else who read my mind), congratulations for being awesome! Again, really fricken impressed.**

 **Next chapter is like 1000 words from done. It's so close but again, this chapter was getting long. Until I finish more, bye bye!**


	6. Chapter 5: Cataclysmic

**A/N: I think it goes without saying that I rated this story M for a reason… this chapter is (at least part of) that reason so…**

 **Thank you to my wonderful Betas,** **Blakeyel1ner** **and** **LucyValkyrie** **who are amazing and awesome and have some great stories as well. I couldn't have done this without them.**

 **With that said, Enjoy?**

"What the fuck are you doing in my house, flea?" The low, dangerous growl snapped Izaya's drooping eyelids up at once. Standing front and center before Izaya was the very monster causing him such confusion.

Shizuo's hair was a tousled mess, making it appear as though he'd just rolled out of bed. His missing shirt, that gave Izaya a tantalizing view of his well-proportioned torso, added to that I-woke-up-like-this look. _Deliciously_ rumpled jeans that appeared to have been hastily put on completed the image all too well.

"I said, what the fuck do you think you're doing!" Shizuo yelled, clearly losing any patience he might have possessed a moment ago.

Dragging his eyes up reluctantly towards Shizuo's infuriated face, Izaya smirked. "I'm paying you a visit Shizu-chan!" he announced, gleeful even as Shizuo ground his teeth and his anger deepened.

"Like hell you are." Shizuo shot back, voice probably waking the neighbors. He took a menacing stride forward. As the distance between them decreased, the tension in the air grew. Izaya could almost feel it pulling him in, dragging him towards the monster. "What are you really doing here?" Another step forward. If Izaya had stretched his arm out, his fingertips would have almost brushed Shizuo's chest.

"Maybe I don't have a reason." Izaya suggested, fighting the urge to just reach out and give in to his desires now but he couldn't, at least not yet.

"Bull _shit_." Spat Shizuo, "You always have a reason!" _Of course I do Shizu-chan but I honestly can't tell you that._ When Izaya didn't respond, Shizuo took yet another step towards him. They were almost nose to nose now, the position testing every bit of the will power Izaya had never possessed.

When Shizuo opened his mouth again Izaya couldn't help but lean backward ever so slightly, expecting the beast to yell again but instead all he got were the whispered words, "Why are you doing this to me?"

 _Too late to turn back now, ne?_

"Because I need this as much as you do," Izaya hissed, face flushing, desire hot and heavy on his tongue as he itched to be closer while at the same time forcing himself to stay still.

"Fuck." Shizuo muttered through gritted teeth. Before Izaya could fully grasp the implications of that single interjection, the monster pinned him to the counter with one hand and with the other dragged his head forward into a rough, demanding kiss.

At once, Izaya gave into the action, tilting his head back and allowing the beast to do as he wished, drinking in every sensation like a starving man. The hand pinning him to the counter moved as Shizuo pulled him closer, claiming the raven as his own. _This shouldn't be happening_ , Izaya thought dimly while the monster sucked roughly on his tongue, leaving the remnants of nicotine imprinted on his mind. _But I can't help but let this happen anyway._

As Shizuo trailed ravenous, hard kisses along the informant's neck, nipping and licking at the skin, dipping into the crook of his collarbone to find the mark he'd left the day before, Izaya let his head rest on the brute's shoulder, unable to do more than shudder. He clung to the beast and moaned softly into warm, tanned skin. Each touch of the monster's calloused fingers as they slipped over his abdomen and traced his spine, seemingly unable to get enough, had the raven coming apart, wanting more.

It was so human… The way Shizuo ran his warm hands over every inch of Izaya's skin, like he was imprinting it into his mind, felt so desperate, so hungry. _Yet so perfect._

Those wandering fingers brushed against the hardened peaks on his chest, provoking a cry of pleasure as the informant's thin hands wove themselves in the monster's feathery hair. Everything he'd been feeling since that first kiss was spilling out now, translating into quick, shuddering breaths and gasping moans that reverberated around the close walls of the kitchen, intensifying the experience.

He could hear the beast's dark chuckle as he pinched one sensitive nipple and twisted, sending an arching need straight through Izaya that spread like wildfire. As Shizuo found the raven's mouth once more, tangling their tongues together in a desperate kiss, the informant felt his arousal growing, making his jeans too tight and the previously warm kitchen too hot to be comfortable. He wanted -no! _Needed_ , the monster now and this game was only prolonging the inevitable.

"So talkative." Shizuo mocked darkly as he continued to abuse Izaya's chest, seeming to drink in every little whimper and groan it provoked from the lean informant. "Do you ever fucking shut up?"

Despising the self-satisfied tone of the blond's voice, the panting male hissed out, "Sh-shut up Shizu— A-ah!" His words ended on a loud moan that he muffled by burying his face in the brute's shoulder once more, hating himself for acting like this but unable to stop himself.

Swallowing the saliva pooling in his mouth, Izaya decided that he'd had enough of the teasing. Sliding himself forward on the counter, he wrapped one leg around Shizuo's waist and ground his erection against the blond's, desperate for more than just this game.

Like he'd been repelled by something vile, Shizuo backed up, stumbling slightly over himself in his haste to get away. As Izaya struggled to pull himself together somewhat, he examined the blond's face, confused and frustrated with Shizuo's obstinance. Clearly the beast was torn between wanting more and wanting a way out. Well there was only one answer to that question. The informant had gotten Shizuo where he wanted him and this time, he wasn't going to let him get away so easily.

Drawing swollen and glistening lips into a pout, Izaya narrowed his eyes and, with a slight whine, he asked, "Aw Shizu-chan, you aren't going to _leave_ me like _this_ are you?" Behind his words, there was a desperation he couldn't hide as well as he had hoped. _I'm not in control._

"Why are you letting me do this? What the hell _are_ we doing?" Realization dawned on Shizuo's face. "Oh fuck, you came here just to…" He flailed around for the word he was looking for and failed to find it.

"Just to what Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, flicking a pink tongue across his lips and watching delightedly as the beast's Adam's apple bobbed at the sight. Oh he _wanted_ Shizuo _bad,_ but in this moment, he could afford to play with him for a bit.

"Dammit flea! Why are you doing this to me? I stayed home to _avoid_ you! Why the fuck are you showing up here like _this?_ " The strain on the beast's face was obvious as he clenched his fists, holding himself back. _He wants me._ Izaya thought, pleased. _He just doesn't want to admit to it._

Deliberately, seductively, hoping what he was doing was driving the blond crazy, the raven slipped off the counter and took the two steps to where Shizuo stood, breathing heavily. _If you won't give me what I want, I'll convince you then._ "Who _cares_ why I came here Shizu-chan. What matters is," Leaning forward into the beast, Izaya gave a slow, torturous roll of his hips against Shizuo's clothed erection and heatedly finished, " _I want you_."

"You bastard."

The string that had been holding Shizuo back snapped. Instantly he was pinning Izaya to the counter once more, kissing him hard. Victorious, Izaya moaned into the blond's mouth as those oddly gentle fingers found their way to the zipper of his skinny jeans and tugged down hard, brushing against the raven's arousal as they did so. Unconsciously he bucked his hips forward, desperate for more of that delicious friction.

Uncertainty apparently gone, Shizuo's hand dipped into Izaya's boxers and, fingers wrapping around the informant's leaking erection, he started stroking it roughly. If he hadn't been at the mercy of the beast before, the raven certainly was now, arching against his touch as his fingers desperately scrabbled at his broad, tanned back for purchase. _This is what I wanted_. The warm calloused hand that pumped his arousal was _infinitely_ better than his own chilled palm, just as he'd known it would be.

As Shizuo thumbed the slit at the tip of his erection and was rewarded with a particularly loud moan, the half formed thought of 'more' solidified within Izaya's mind. This melting, boiling, delicious pleasure was addicting and he _needed_ more before the spell was broken and he was shoved back to square one. _We're just enemies,_ he thought unconvincingly as he palmed Shizuo's own erection, earning a groan from the larger man. _We're just enemies who happen to turn each other on_.

Mouth releasing panted breaths into the blond's ear and hands already struggling to undo the beast's jeans, Izaya desperately demanded, "I-I _need_ you right—ngh, now."

He got a dark chuckle, one that sent arousing shivers down Izaya's spine on its own. "Ask nicely…" Shizuo all but purred into the informant's ear.

Closing his eyes to help fight back the whimpers that threatened to pour from his lips, the raven squashed the last remanence of his pride before snapping his lids open. Lust filled eyes locked on the beast, Izaya practically begged, "Shi-zu-o, _please._ "

With an approving growl, Shizuo flipped the informant around, pinning him to the counter before ridding him of his jeans and boxers in one swift move. Kicking the offending material away, Izaya whimpered as the blond beast took his sweet time in freeing his straining erection from his jeans. The raven's eyes ventured downward and he couldn't help but gulp at the far too alluring sight that met him.

As if sensing his thoughts, Shizuo hooked a finger under Izaya's chin and lifted it so he could look the blond in the eyes. With his free hand, the blond tapped the raven's lips with two fingers, raising his eyebrows slightly. "Suck." He commanded.

With little hesitation Izaya parted his lips and latched onto Shizuo's fingers, sucking on them greedily, thoroughly coating them with saliva. It wouldn't be the best lube but considering the situation they were in, the raven highly doubted Shizuo would have enough patience to find better.

Besides, Izaya didn't have much patience left either.

When he'd deemed his fingers wet enough, Shizuo withdrew them, positioning them at Izaya's entrance. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked, a last ditch attempt to throw some common sense into this quite illogical mess.

Impatience getting the better of him, Izaya snapped, "Hmm, I'm standing in your kitchen half naked with my ass in your face. Of course I'm rea- Ah-ah~!" He was abruptly cut off as one of Shizuo's digits pressed into him, robbing him of all mental faculties except those telling him precisely how foreign yet absolutely pleasurable the brute's actions were.

Shizuo started moving his finger, slowly acclimating Izaya to the intrusion in the most gentle way possible he could manage. Izaya forced himself to bite back a moan at the sensations hitting him all at once. The pleasure, the pressure, the slight sting and the unexpected vulnerability he felt. A few seconds ago he'd been to lost to his desire to really think about the implications of what was happening but now, the raven couldn't help but realize he was putting his _life_ in this beast's hands and trusting Shizuo not to hurt him.

Soon, one finger was joined by a second, then a third. Scissoring his digits to loosen Izaya, Shizuo grunted, "God, relax, you're making this impossible," all the while peppering the back of his neck and shoulders with light kisses.

"I'm- Nngh~ Trying you idiot, I've never done this be—" His words were destroyed as Shizuo's probing fingers hit something within him that made him see stars. Moaning loudly, the raven rocked back on the blond's fingers, trying to bring that wonderful feeling back. "I'm ready!" he managed, turning to glare heatedly at Shizuo.

Withdrawing his fingers, Shizuo lined up with his now prepared entrance and caught Izaya's gaze for a moment before sinking into the tight heat. The raven's teeth actually pierced his lip as he bit down on it to keep from crying out in pain.

Seeming to notice Izaya's discomfort Shizuo whispered in his ear, tracing concentric circles in the raven's shoulder blades until he stopped trembling from the shock. Izaya couldn't help but marvel at how such a vicious monster could be so gentle. As he adjusted to the feeling of Shizuo seated inside of him, Izaya turned his head to the side hopefully and was rewarded with a sloppy kiss that tasted far too good.

"C-can I move." Shizuo's voice was strained and Izaya could hear the raw want in it slipping into his mind. His breath skittered unevenly across Shizuo's skin as he nodded, wanting as much, if not more, than his monster did.

 _Who cares about making good choices anyway?_

Shizuo thrust into him and Izaya forgot his name. All his humans, all his games, his masks, his pride, the world, _everything_ was tossed out the window as the entire universe became that one moment. Izaya choked on Shizuo's name as the beast started at a blinding pace that left him weakly clinging to reality. Whatever pain he'd felt at first was quickly and efficiently being wiped away by the ribbons of pure pleasure that streaked through his body, setting him on fire.

Shizuo's name became a mantra, overlaying the sound of sweat soaked skin against skin, rolling together in some sort of desperate dance that left the raven breathless. Tension built in Izaya's abdomen as Shizuo rocked against him, pressing open-mouthed kisses over his neck, shoulders, cheeks, and whatever else he could reach.

 _If I'd known this was inevitable anyway I'd have come a lot sooner._

Large, calloused hand finding Izaya's own weeping erection, Shizuo pumped him in sync with his own rhythm, sending wave after building wave of pleasure through the raven's slender frame. Speeding up, angling his thrusts differently, the beast hit something inside of Izaya that made him cry out shamelessly, loudly moaning for the blond to _do that again_ which he did, perfectly.

The blood rushed through Izaya's body, the words they were saying were lost to motion, everything coalesced as Shizuo sped up, reaching his end. With a grunt of, "F-fuck!" Shizuo came, filling his insides with white as he bit down hard on the nape of Izaya's neck.

The delicious pain, coupled with the blinding pleasure drove Izaya over the edge after him, moaning his name as white splattered the front of Shizuo's cabinets. His vision almost went black as euphoria swept through him like a tidal wave, drowning any other thoughts Izaya might have possessed.

 _This is perfection_.

The room was suddenly silent, save for their panted breaths and Izaya's satisfied purrs.

As the afterglow faded from Izaya's spent body, leaving only a deep satisfaction, the realization of what position he was still in sunk in and the raven flinched slightly. Moving slowly, probably brought back to reality by his movements, Shizuo pulled out of him and backed away, zipping up his pants and struggling to compose himself as he did so. Still breathing heavily, Izaya just leaned against the counter, content enough that he didn't want to move. _Maybe I'll just fall asleep here,_ he mused drowsily.

"What the fuck are you doing?" The return of that gruff voice after listening to its deeper, more seductive side surprised Izaya enough that he opened his crimson eyes to turn and look at the blond who had uttered them. Shizuo was already lighting a cigarette, probably to calm down.

"Well Shizu-chan, I believe I'm standing half naked in your kitchen." He answered cheekily, grabbing for his discarded boxers with his toes and dragging them towards himself lazily. As he slipped them on, he chuckled slightly at the soft cough his words had earned from the beast.

"Well, you can leave now." Izaya froze in the process of putting on his wrinkled, black jeans. Shizuo had uttered the words in such a cold tone, he was surprised they'd come from the same person. Sure they were supposedly enemies but…

After this? Were they even enemies now? Enemies didn't usually have sex against a counter, right?

Didn't this merit a reprieve?

"Go on flea, get out." Shizuo groused, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the informant evenly. Hanging from his mouth casually, the cigarette sent smoke weaving through the room, adding a soft layer of haze to a setting that had suddenly turned cold. "It's not like either of us wants you to be here," he added.

Shaking himself, Izaya ignored the harsh stab of ice that hit him and instead finished buckling his jeans back up before smirking and saying, "I suppose you have a point there, after all, who would want to stick around in a place like this _Shizu-chan._ " Biting his lip for reasons he didn't want to think about, the raven pushed the pain in his chest away resolutely and cocked his head at Shizuo playfully.

"Good. That makes two of us," he snapped. Face unreadable, Shizuo half turned and muttered tersely, "I'd show you the way out, but I think you already know the way."

Izaya couldn't help the look of shock at the continued callousness of the brute's words. He said them so easily, without a second thought, and it _hurt_. Here the informant stood, totally vulnerable, for once leaving his usual false façade behind and all Shizuo seemed to want was for him to leave. _What was I expecting?_ He asked himself in frustration, hating his own weakness. _Do I want him to care?_

 _Maybe I do._

"Don't look at me like that you louse. It's not as if _this_ changes anything. I still don't give a fuck about you." Shizuo spat, foot tapping impatiently as he ground his teeth together around his cigarette.

"I didn't expect you to Shizu-chan. How _you_ feel isn't my problem, ne?" Instantly, Izaya wanted to take the words back. God, why was he acting like this, why did it hurt so much, why was Shizuo looking at him like that when all the raven wanted was for him to just—Just…

 _Do I even know what I want?_ he wondered unable to inhibit his own panic.

"So why don't you stop being _my_ problem?" Shizuo growled, eyes flashing. "You came and got your quick fuck or whatever this was to you, now stop infecting my kitchen and get out!"

 _Quick fuck?_ Izaya wanted to yell a retort but all he could think about was how little this entire encounter had meant to the beast. _I'm one to talk,_ he thought snidely at his own weakness. _This was all just a game, right? A fun_ game _, but maybe I took it too far…_

Backing up slowly, the raven pushed off the ground and managed to drag his sore body onto the counter behind him. "Look at you, pretending to be human and everything. I'm impressed Shizu-chan."

"Feh, at least I'm nothing like you," Shizuo muttered, a nasty sneer curling around his cigarette.

"Well, good to know where I stand with you." Crawling backwards towards the open window, Izaya tilted his chin up, unwilling to admit defeat. _I'm not defeated!_ But this felt remarkably like defeat to him.

"I suppose I'll leave then Shizu-chan." And because he had to have the last word, "I hope you enjoy cleaning up _our_ mess."

Izaya's knees gave way beneath his tired body as he landed on the ground outside Shizuo's apartment. Crouching there, a small figure, shadowed by the building above him, the raven gave himself a few minutes respite before gradually rising to his feet. He felt bruised all over, physically and emotionally used.

 _What a time to throw yourself a pity party. God, this is just disgraceful._

Shaking his head to clear it, Izaya stumbled slightly before getting his balance and walking forward a few steps, dim thoughts of the rest of his day flitting through his head. _I just made a mistake, I'm overreacting. It's just Shizu-chan getting under my skin, his words don't mean anything._ Running a hand through his hair as if _that_ would actually do anything for him, Izaya chuckled softly. "Only you could be so unpredictable, ne Shizu-chan."

The situation wasn't funny, far from it, but in the end, he'd gotten what he'd wanted, right? Generally speaking, that was really all that mattered. Who cared if Shizuo was pissed at him, that wasn't really anything new. Izaya's adverse reaction to his most recent verbal sparing match with the beast had been tied to the situation he'd been in, that was all. All that was left for him to do now was leave, content with what he'd asked for and nothing more.

"You've always brought out my worst," Izaya muttered, shaking his head and laughing under his breath.

Without looking back, Izaya turned in the direction he knew would take him back to Shinjuku and started walking, deciding to take pleasure in the muffled curses still coming from Shizuo's apartment, rather than regret their cause.

Honestly, he did feel satisfied...

 **A/N: I know my smut leaves much to be desired but hey, at least I finished it. Starting to feel the delicious angst yet?**

 ***squeals in delight* I love it when a good story comes together. Now to business, the next chapter is already finished and will be posted probably sooner rather than later (just waiting for my betas!).**

 **Until next time, bye bye.**


	7. Chapter 6: Broken Record

**A/N: I suppose I should apologize for the harsh ending of last chapter. I swear, I did it for a reason. I think…**

 **Thanks to** **Blakeyel1ner** **for keeping my commas straight and thanks to** **LucyValkyrie** **for reminding me not to start my sentences with the word 'and' so much. I couldn't have done this without them.**

 **Enjoy!**

Izaya walked down the street, not quite displaying his usual grace as he did so. Pronounced, though he would never admit it, the pain the bruising soreness in his hips caused him slowed his pace considerably. Even so, his hands were shoved lazily into his pockets and his usual smirk adorned his face. To be honest, he hadn't felt this satisfied in a while.

" _Go on flea, get out."_

The gruff words floated into Izaya's mind, shattering his contentment and making him furrow his brows. " _It's not like either of us wants you to be here."_

 _Ouch, that stung…_ Shaking his head, Izaya kept walking, fighting to keep his smug smile on his face. What the beast had said was absolutely true. Who in their right mind would _want_ to stay in that warm, too small room with only one window and the musky smell of Shizuo wafting through it. He'd won, right? Getting what you wanted in the end certainly sounded like winning. He had started a game and now it was finished, simple as that.

But… It wasn't, was it?

Nothing in life was that simple.

Taking a deep breath, Izaya sprung onto the low wall beside the road and balanced on it easily, even with his… _limp_. As he glided along, he affirmed that what had happened, those wet kisses and low moans, meant nothing to him at all. It was just a stupid game to play with the fortissimo of Ikebukuro. A war of which he'd been the victor. Any residual _emotions_ were to be expected, dealt with, then carefully ignored.

By tomorrow Shizuo would be back to throwing street signs at him and Izaya would be laughing as he dodged the monster's heart-felt rage. There wasn't anything more to it.

When his high-rise apartment came into sight, Izaya sighed. Honestly, the tall building with its steel and glass –cold and unforgiving at the best of times –was the last place he wanted to be, no matter how much he itched to return to his work. The emptiness didn't suit him as of now. In that moment, Izaya would have almost preferred something smaller, closer and warmer. Somewhere like-

W _hat am I thinking?_ He shook his head and sighed.

Forcing his mind away from the dangerous edge it had almost fallen off of, Izaya resigned himself to the idea that if he didn't get _some_ work done; Namie would only pester him more than she was going to already for skipping out on her this morning. As his movements went into autopilot, Izaya's mind was allowed to wander.

 _By the time I'm back to work, I'll be back to normal._ Carefully, Izaya sorted through his emotions, methodically putting them into neat little boxes. While he couldn't quite make sense of the strange, hollow emptiness clawing at his insides, he chalked it up to residual desire. True he felt like he'd just lost something precious but really, gods were supposed to be above such things.

Shizuo certainly seemed above them, and he was only a monster.

" _I'd show you out, but I think you already know the way."_

Besides, after the events of the morning, what did Shizuo have that Izaya could _possibly_ want? Gods and mere _monsters_ didn't belong to the same plane of existence in the first place. Crossing that line had been temporary, a fling, a _mistake_ even –except Izaya didn't make mistakes.

And so it did not _matter._

" _Don't look at me like that, you louse. It's not as if_ this _changes anything. I still don't give a fuck about you."_ And of course, the sentiment was mutual. Izaya cared not a whit for the only human he seemed to be able to hate. But if that was so, why did it feel like he was being stabbed with a million icy needles? Why did he suddenly feel like his whole being had become an empty shell of it's former existence?

Why did it hurt?

Looking up, Izaya couldn't help but feel mildly surprised at the sight of his door. _Since when could_ Shizu-chan _rattle me so completely?_

 _Since you let him fuck you against his kitchen counter,_ was the vulgar, unhelpful reply his mind gave him.

Stepping into his apartment, Izaya sighed, rolling his back and noticing as he did so the missing pops of his spine that typically accompanied the motion. It wasn't often he didn't spend the predawn and morning hours sitting before his computer screen. Striding through his apartment, he tried to bring his mind around to work, to unanswered emails and a business deal that was in a precarious spot –as they so often were. As knuckles went to his eyes, glazed over with too many unsavory thoughts, Izaya groaned. _I need to stop thinking about him._

"Ugh, finally you're here, sure took you long enough. Where the hell have you been?" Namie, his secretary, stepped out of his kitchen, a scowl on her face. One hand was occupied holding a mug which, judging from the wonderful smells wafting from it, contained coffee. The other was placed on her hip. Irritation oozed from her form as she stared at him. At the sight of her, Izaya instinctively drew his coat up to cover his neck, hiding the bruises Shizuo had no doubt left there.

"Ah, you know Namie-san," Izaya waved a hand lazily, forcing his mind to focus on the person in front of him rather than a stupid monster that occupied all too many of his thoughts. "I've been out and about. There are always clients who need to talk with me; after all, I must treat all my wonderful humans with equal love." He chuckled.

The brunette _tched_ irritably. "Your usual dose of insanity does nothing for you, don't kid yourself. You told me to come here early to get work done then you just run out? I really don't appreciate your games." Her anger-filled words brought forth a giggle from the informant's mouth.

"Come now Namie-san, that's no way to talk to your boss, now, _is_ it?" _Yes,_ he told himself. _Focus on this. Ignore those pesky emotions that shouldn't be here at all but are._ "What I do is my business and my business alone." _Ignore the fact that you're trembling slightly._ "And as a matter of fact, I _do_ have extra work for you. Aren't you lucky?" He laughed softly at his own words. _Just ignore the phoniness in your laughter plus all your other problems and you'll be alright._

 _Everything will be alright._

"You're not fooling anyone Izaya, what the hell is wrong with you?" Namie asked briskly, tone impatient, sending invisibly thin cracks across his mask.

Wide smile faltering for only a fraction of a second, Izaya maliciously said, "Why, I must be suffering from _insanity_ as you so put it _._ " Tapping his nose with a smirk he added, "You said it yourself that it did nothing for me."

Namie opened her mouth for a moment before snapping it shut and glowering at him. "You know what; I'm not in the mood for your shit Izaya. Just give me what I need to do; I'll go somewhere else to do it. If you're not going to tell me what's wrong, I don't care but I sure as hell am not going to sit around while you get crazy all over me." Storming past him, she shoved the coffee into his hands before walking to the table to gather up her things. "I assume this folder is what you wanted me to work on?"

"You're overreacting, ne?" Izaya turned to face her and forced the slightly trembling cup to his lips, taking a small sip before continuing, "After all, it's only-"

"Just answer the damn question." Namie snapped, cutting him off.

"Yes it is, but-"

"Listen Izaya, when people try to care about you, it's rude to act so flippantly. You currently look like you've been through a hurricane," _Well that's one way to put it…_ "And I'm guessing you want to be alone, judging by the fact that you haven't stopped _shaking_ since you walked in." Izaya fought to mask his shock at the fact that his secretary had noticed so much. Generally, she didn't pay any attention to him at all. How obvious was it that even _she_ could see?

"If that's what you want to do Namie-san then go ahead." Izaya waved her away, smug expression slipping as he did so. _Damn_ , he thought in frustration, _why am I acting like… This? It's pathetic._

"Bastard." She muttered. "You just _can't_ admit to having any sort of weakness, can you?" With that parting remark, she turned around and left, shutting the door behind her.

Swaying slightly where he stood, Izaya had to admit that Namie was right, he _couldn't_ just say he had a weakness, especially one that made him feel so disgustingly _human._ Shizu-chan, a monster, couldn't be allowed to make him feel like this. Biting his lip, still swollen from Shizuo's rough treatment of it, Izaya set down the coffee cup and took off his coat. Moving resolutely to his computer, he was determined, by any means necessary, to drive that awful clawing sensation in his gut away.

Flicking it open Izaya tried to do something productive while simultaneously ignoring the pointless circles his words on the screen were taking him and trying not to pay attention to the stupid mistakes the trembling in his fingers caused him to make. After a grueling hour of feigned ignorance, Izaya slowly leaned back, raking fingers through his ebony hair, tugging on it as if that would change the desperate spirals his mind took him down.

 _You're acting stupid, it was just another game to play with the protozoan idiot, there was nothing behind it but momentary lust and dwelling on it isn't going to get you anywhere. It's over, you're done. Get something done and ignore the problem –the pain –till it goes away._

Frustrated, Izaya grit his teeth together. Flickers of fury raced through him as he thought about this mess, this lapse in judgement that had been committed. Not only had he driven Namie away, but he'd also lost his concentration and his composure. Shizuo had stolen them from him.

Oh yes, Shizuo's rough treatment of him had _burned_ and it enraged him just as much as it hurt him. No, he couldn't be amused or satisfied or indifferent. Izaya _hated_ Shizuo for what he had done.

For what _they_ had done…

He felt dirty, tainted, covered in the cruelty of his precious beast. What had he been _thinking?_ What had _possessed_ him to lay himself bare before a creature who wanted nothing more than to devour him? He'd acted like a foolish human, thinking even momentary peace was possible and now Izaya was paying for it with the deterioration of his masks that had protected him.

 _It hurts. Being human hurts._

Everything felt like it was collapsing in on him, trapping Izaya inside his own head. With just one action all that the raven had built up around himself as protection against humanity had been hollowed out from the inside. Was he really that close to his humans? Was he really that fragile? Izaya shook his head, trying desperately to clear it.

He felt like screaming.

It was as if he was at the edge of a precipice, clinging to life by the barest threads of sanity. Hands slipping, string straining, he was one second form insanity, one second from snapping, one second from-

A phone rang.

Thoughts breaking like brittle ice, Izaya's head snapped up, his carmine eyes struggling to focus on the room. Looking over his many phones, all meticulously organized in the far right corner of his desk, Izaya dimly realized his one red phone was making the noise.

 _Only one person has that number…_ he remembered, dimly.

Mind flying back into place with a jarring thump, Izaya lurched forward, snatching the phone up without hesitation. If it had been anyone else, Izaya would have ignored the call, his personal well being clearly more important than anyone else, but this was different. This was _business_ and you couldn't just avoid it and hope it would go away.

Besides, ignoring Shiki just wasn't something you did. _Ever._ Not for any reason.

Dragging in a steadying breath, Izaya answered the call and smoothly said, "Ah, Shiki-san, to what do I owe the pleasure?"

A chuckle emanated from the other end of the line. " _Good of you to pick up Orihara-san, I was concerned you might still be out._ " Izaya recoiled slightly from the implications of Shiki's words but he didn't rise to the jibe. Clearing his throat, Shiki continued, " _I take it you aren't busy with anything important?_ "

Izaya smiled and spun in his chair, looking at the flying colors of the room only absently. "Nothing that can't wait." he assured his employer. "Why?"

" _I have a job for you Orihara-san._ "

 **A/N: Okay so, don't kill me yet. I know this story looked like an open/shut situation but my sis kept telling me that this thing was 'just smut'. And it is! Was. I went all plotline on this sucker and well… I changed the summary didn't I? So yeah… We're all good.**

 **And Enjoy.**

 **I'm about to ruin Izaya's life…**


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